


Hurts Like Hell

by MoonBludger



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Past Lives, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Erwin helps Levi, Flashbacks, Immortal Erwin Smith, Immortal Levi, Immortal!Levi, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Tally tatooes, Tattoo Artist!Eren, Witch Hange Zoë
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 15:46:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8538892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonBludger/pseuds/MoonBludger
Summary: "I loved & loved and I lost you,and it hurts like hell..."When you lose the only person you want to save,what would you do?Levi waited and waited for centuries for finding Eren again.But when he finally finds him,will he be able to hold him in his arms,forever?
Immortal! Levi x Tattoo Artist! Eren (Reincarnation AU)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone!
> 
> This is my first fic on ao3 and I'm so excited to share it with you.  
> I hope you like it!

The eyes. Both green as jades and honeylike ambers. Always invading Levi's dreams,waking him up to the dark night and cold bed of his.

* * *

  
Depriving him of the bliss that he ever knew. Pulling him into the agony of memories. Is it too much to ask to sleep peacefully? When all he can do is remembering every moment they spent together. When there is nowhere to hide, nowhere to go without remembering him, his voice, his smile and his eyes.  
Levi carefully caressed his arm, touching and feeling the inked surface under his fingertips. He knew the patterns by the heart. 13 small lines. A tally. Symbolizing 13 different lifetimes spent with Eren.

* * *

  
He sighed and reached for his cigarettes and lighted one. It was really funny, though. He could never think of smoking when Eren was around. He was afraid, afraid of losing him, knowing that one day he will definitely be gone..but never paying mind to it. Always hoping,hoping that this time he will stay.Stay with Levi,forever.

 

 

So far he didn't. Deep down Levi knew it was futile to try. He should stop searching for incarnations of Eren. He should stop tormenting himself..but it was so lonely without him. Levi tried all of the things, the ropes, the pills... Hell, he even tried to blow his brains out with a gun. Nothing ended his cursed, immortal excuse of a life.

 

"At first it sounds like a blessing,doesn't it?"

Levi said to the little Eren when the bratstumbled on him in the forest. That was the third incarnation of Eren.

He was wearing shorts, his white shirt was disheveled and tie long lost in his perfect young master look.  
Eren kept looking at Levi while he told the story of his curse. 

8-year-old Eren exclaimed excitedly ; "It must be amazing to live that long and never getting old!"

 

Levi remembered Eren's response crystal clear and whispered it to the dark night sky from balcony.

  
"How naive of you to think that way, brat. Never thinking about leaving loved ones behind, seeing all of them dying, like wilting flowers and slipping away from your reach."

 

  
When he focused back to the real life, he took the last drag from his cigarette and put it out on the silver ashtray. Walking back inside he put on an old record on. As the melody of the song filled the room he stared at the big painting of Eren right in front of his bed. Always facing him.

 

  
Watching the unmoving, timeless beauty of Eren captured with paint, he thought the colors didn't do fair to those eyes. No,no one can capture the emotions flitting by in those eyes fast enough. No one but Levi.

 

Unfortunately, he must trust his memory to reanimate those joyful eyes and playful smiles.

 

* * *

 

"Et si tu n'existais pas,  
And if you didn't exist

Dis-moi pour qui j'existerais.  
Tell me, who should I exist for?

Des passantes endormies dans mes bras  
The passers-by asleep in my arms

Que je n'aimerais jamais.  
That I could never love?

Et si tu n'existais pas,  
And if you didn't exist

Je ne serais qu'un point de plus  
I would be but one more dot

Dans ce monde qui vient et qui va,  
In this world that comes and goes

Je me sentirais perdu  
I would feel lost

J'aurais besoin de toi.  
I would need you "

* * *

  
He hummed to the sad lyrics of the song and ached for the rising of the sun. The nights were cold, especially when you're spending it alone. But the sun was warm, like Eren's smile, like his sunkissed skin under Levi's touches.

 

  
"I need another cigarette" he mumbled as he walked back to the balcony.

* * *

  
Eren was stumbling out of a bar with his friends at the crack of dawn laughing like a mad man.

 

 

Who would have thought drowning your sorrow and demons could be that hard and satisfying at the end?Definitely not Eren Jeager.

 

  
What pushed him towards this solution is beyond Eren's comprehension. He knew that people recognize some occasions,some smell from past..but remembering a whole past-lifetime was a big shock to Eren.

  
So when a customer requested a tattoo with wings merged together something ticked in Eren's mind.

Too many lifetime long memories lurched forward, seeing himself with his family but it was definitely a different era,he had different friends. His clothes were traditional robes, then it changed into suits then modern casual outfits.

His mind was running a million miles at that moment trying to comprehend what's happening .

 

Then it all came to a stop when the last piece of the vision showed itself . A pair of wings, one blue one white merged together, on the pale back of someone. Probably someone he used to know.

When he could focus on the real life for a moment,he heard his customer asking him, if he was okay. No,he wasn't. He opened his mouth to reply, but it never came. His tongue felt big and heavy in his mouth and he saw the black dots, then they enlarged into a black hole and he fainted.

 

 

* * *

That wasn't the first time of him getting visions, even when he was a little child he was always afraid of needles. His parents paid a little mind to it. Regarding it as a childish fear of vaccines. But deep down, Eren was struggling to get away from haunting memories of getting injections, he could feel an invisible liquid traveling in his veins, burning everything until he can't even remember his name. But it was the first time of feeling that shaken leading him to the point of fainting.

 

  
After that experience, he had to see 2 different psychologists.They never helped. Eren knew that something was wrong but not with his memories,never with his memories. He knew he lived them, whether it was 2 years ago or 200 years ago..Just one big detail was making him itchy.  
Levi.

 

* * *

 

Even in his intoxicated state, Eren's mind reached for him, his hands were yearning to touch a skin he knew so well but couldn't touch, couldn't hold yet.

  
But Eren wasn't a one to give up, he was determined to find Levi and ask him, ask him all about his memories, the moments they shared together.

  
So when he arrived his flat, he lazily reached for his sketchbook and let his hand wander and do its work with the charcoal. It was messy, but Eren didn't know how to capture the raven hair of Levi without the help of the black substance.

 

  
Soon he fell asleep on his couch while leaning on his artwork. Woken up by the stupid alarm he set up, he gets up while rubbing his eyes. When he reached the bathroom,he faced himself in front of the mirror. Seeing his face smeared with black dust from charcoal. A voice invaded his mind immediately.

 

  
"You look filthy,brat.Let's clean you up."

 

Eren grabbed the sink until his knuckles turn white from the force. Without realizing that he is saying a name like a mantra. Levi,Levi,Levi,Levi..

 

 

  
After some time, he finally took a shower and get ready to leave for work. Walking to Titans Tattoo, he thought about talking to Armin, his best friend. They become friends after he fainted in front of Armin. Lately, he couldn't carry on his daily tasks without falling into daydreams and memories of his past lives. Armin once suggested that he could be an incarnation of his own self, and therefore unraveling the secret behind these memories can only be possible when he found Levi.

 

Eren started to think that Armin was right as the time passes. Entering the tattoo shop, he nodded to his co-workers and took his place in his cubicle.

 

  
Waiting for the first appointment of the day, he rearranged his table, gathering the designs he drew for the customer and lining the inks for an easier access.  
When the door opened signaling the arrival of a new customer Eren turned his head to look at them.

 

  
A man who looks like Captain America was standing on the welcome mat. Eren had a hard time trying to hide his surprise towards this hot stranger. Then their eyes met. Eren awkwardly rubbed his own neck and turned back to keep himself busy with nothing.

 

  
Eren heard Sasha's cheerful voice, welcoming their new customer.He heard the man requesting his service insistently. Eren tried not to think about it. Hearing the man's footsteps, he rolled his chair away from the doorway to let his customer in his cubicle.

 

  
"Hello there!" The man said with his deep voice. Eren smiled and kept the small talk.

 

Erwin was a successful businessman who is newly promoted to the president of Survey Corps. He wanted to celebrate this occasion with a new ink addition to his skin so he came to the Titans Tattoo. Eren learned that Erwin is Armin's boyfriend and in fact, Armin recommended him to Erwin.

 

  
Eren smiled and asked him what he wanted for the tattoo and started sketching. He didn't realize a stray paper found its way out of his sketchbook. Erwin took it without making a sound and examined it for a moment. Then he handed it to Eren while complimenting his art.

* * *

  
"Wow,what a nice portrait. Hope the model liked it." Eren met with Erwin's eyes then eyed the paper he was holding. Eren gulped. This was the portrait he drew last night. Levi's beautiful features now looking back at him in Erwin's hands. Suddenly Eren wanted to yank it away from the man.He didn't want Erwin to look at Levi, touch his drawing of Levi. He carefully took the paper from him and put it into his folder. Then showed Erwin his design for the tattoo.

 

  
Erwin was trying to hide his smirk from Eren. His last suspicion was now out of the way. Eren known Levi. Even though his grumpy old friend wasn't aware of Eren being alive and near him. This thought made Erwin nearly jump with joy. Finally, after a century he had a wildcard against Levi and man, Erwin would never pass this chance. He was going to milk it for its all worth. Knowing the location of Levi's lover, probably the one he's been searching for all these time.

 

  
Eren was finished after one and a half hour and showed Erwin his new tattoo. Two blades overlapped that consists of a writing "Flügel der Freiheit" . So far Erwin was satisfied with his work so Eren smiled and told him how to take care of his new tattoo. Even though he was sure that Erwin knew what to do.

But that was the procedure of his job. Erwin thanked him by saying ; "I'm glad that Armin recommended you for the job.Thank you for your work."

  
"Yeah,not at all. Hope to see you around Erwin!" Eren said while smiling kindly.

 

  
Two days after getting tattooed by Eren,Erwin paid a visit to Levi's house. More like a mansion located deep in the forest,the kind where people used to believe it was haunted.

 

  
Finding his immortal friend brooding in his disheveled daily outfit with a whiskey bottle in his hand, Erwin's eyebrows arched.  
"Long time,no see Levi..I see that you have changed your coping mechanisms lately. Drinking before dinner?"

  
Levi's hazed stare found Erwin and he pushed the bottle to him while Erwin sat in front of him.

  
"I'm not in the mood to entertain you,shitty eyebrows. Fuck off." Levi slurred. Erwin's eyes soften with sympathy towards his friend and swirled the bottle in his hand while talking to Levi.

 

  
"Two days ago I found an interesting jewel at the downtown. I thought you might be interested in it" he smirked after eyeing Levi. He made an annoyed noise and told him brashly that he isn't interested in stones and shit.

  
"I was going to torment you, but you make a man feel sorry for you, Levi. Was it too hard on you after him?" Erwin said while trying to rouse attention from Levi again.

  
Levi immediately sobered when Erwin mentioned his long lost lover.

  
"Don't you dare talk about him,Erwin! You know very well that I can't control myself when he is concerned.."

 

  
"I know..I'm sorry,I pushed you.I came here because I saw him." Erwin said while weighting Levi's reaction.

 

  
"Yeah,yeah-" Levi's eyed shined after he realized what Erwin said. Levi felt his voice trembling while asking Erwin to confirm what he heard is right.

* * *

  
"Have I heard you right? Did you see...Eren? My Eren?" He desperately sought for Erwin's answer.  
"You know I'm not that heartless, Levi. Of course, I saw him. Otherwise, I wouldn't even mention this to you. Would you like to know about his whereabouts?" Erwin asked knowing that Levi loves Eren,but he respects Eren's personal space, even when he knows Eren better than he knows himself.  
Because being lovers in past lifetimes doesn't excuse stalking.  
Levi's eyes shined brighter, looking like liquid silver in the moonlight while he nodded furiously at Erwin. Now he knew where Eren was...He could meet with him , be a friend of him and fall in love with him again..

 

  
"I think that's my cue to leave.Good night Levi..I hope you will remember to introduce Eren to me this time. As your best friend."  
Erwin left without adding the little secret of Eren knowing Levi already. He swung his jacket towards his shoulder and go out of his way to pay a visit to Hanji too. He could not wait to see her reaction to the news about Eren.

 

* * *

  
Levi couldn't believe his pathetic life was blessed with Eren's arrival, again. Throwing himself into bed,feeling content with alcohol running in his veins.He closed his eyes and let his lips curve into a smile.  
Tomorrow is going to be a good day, he thought.

  
The Titan Tattoo was having a rather busy day and Eren was tired. He stretched and run a hand through his messy hair. He was hoping to go home earlier but his hope was crushed when a new customer walked in. He was about to sigh before seeing the one who entered the shop. When he finally saw the man, Eren felt like something hit him like a truck at the heart, with the speed of sound. Then his mind was flooded with visions and memories.

 

  
Holding the pale man's hand,smiling at him while laying on a field surrounded by flowers. The man taking care of him while he was sick, then him crying while holding his body like he lost all the meaning in his life.  
He shook himself away from the visions and watched the stranger with familiar face walking towards him. Eren could barely hear Sasha asking the man about what would he want, but he doubted that the man heard her. He walked until he was in front of Eren. Too near to be in Eren's personal space but too far to touch him,feel him.

 

  
Eren knew that the name of the man was at the tip of his tongue but he couldn't open his lips to voice it. He was too shocked to see him alive, finally realizing he found the key to unraveling all secrets about his memories.  
The man took the initiative and took a step towards Eren.

 

  
"Hello, I would like to get a tally tattoo, just a short line near this one." he said while showing Eren his muscular arm.  
Then it was all Eren needed to reveal what's inside his mind,his heart.

 

  
"Levi" Eren whispered. He doesn't even sure that Levi heard him. But when he fiercely shut the curtains of the cubicle to cut the sight of outside, Eren knew that he was wrong to assume.

 

 

* * *

Levi heard him and he was ready to claim him back. Make him remember,properly and this time,for forever.

 

Levi couldn't explain the feeling he felt when his eyes drank the view of Eren, sitting on a worn out chair,stretching.  
There he was. The light of his life,unaware of him being there to see him,getting ready to involve himself into his life. He bit his lips to prevent calling out to him, but he was silenced when his eyes met with the jades and ambers, shining through cheap fluorescent lamps. He didn't realize that he was walking towards Eren until he stopped right in front of him. He waited. Let his eyes wander and memorized the curves he already knew so well again, just to be sure. Just to make himself believe that Eren was sitting in front of him,alive, breathing.  
Those breathtaking eyes blinked up at him and Levi cleared his throat and break the ice. Telling his lover to tattoo him the symbol of losing him, a tally, a sign of meeting again and leaving each other like the seasons come and go, like the leaves leaving their branch with the changing wind. A memory of being forgotten or never getting to be remembered. A reminder on his own flesh, that he is a timeless monster on earth, damned to be alone. Locked out of heaven and stuck in hell without a salvation.  
He heard Eren's voice then. "Levi" Immediately he felt lighter, his head was dizzy. Eren knew his name. Eren knew. "He remembers!" Levi thought and before he lost his self-control he quickly shut the curtains of Eren's workplace. "Eren,Eren,Eren.."  
"Eren, do you remember me? Do you know who I am?" Levi asked between his short breaths.

 

  
"I-I kinda..have visions of you..and me..it was so confusing. I don't know..I just, hear your voice sometimes and all I know is your name and your face..please tell me who you are..what are you to me?" Eren pleaded with eyes full of tears.Ready to spill any moment.  
"Shh,shh...It's okay, Eren. It's okay. I will explain it. You, knowing my name..remembering my face is more than enough. Just let me comfort you for now.." Levi said while he was hugging Eren, caressing his soft hair as Eren was openly sobbing on his shoulder.

 

After Eren calmed down a bit Levi started to explain ;  
"Eren, I know something I'm gonna say will sound like bullshit to you, but I want you to trust me on this. I know you had seen weird things before,felt like you have experienced things even though you know you never did, in this lifetime. What I'm going to say is just gonna be a brief summary of our history together. If you want to stay and listen to all of it, I will happily oblige. But if you want me to leave and never see you again,I will do it too. So,if I have to start from the beginning,we were neighbors..too many centuries ago. Actually, it was a millennia and eighty years ago,but whatever." Levi tried to smile and lighten up the mood but Eren was focused and serious.

 

So he continued:  
"We grew up together, I was older than you by 5 years. You were always so energetic, but sometimes you had to stay at home for a week or more. When I asked you about it, you would always brush it off or change the subject. We did everything together, we took care of each other, you were a member of a prestigious family. Your father was a renowned healer. He did some shady things with a witch and it resulted in an outbreak, killing nearly all of the townspeople. I was saved by another healer who is traveling at the current time to inspect the outbreak.  
When I came to your home to share the antidote with you,I found you lying on the ground..your arms were punctured and you were bleeding.."Levi was crying while trying to tell Eren about his death. "I tried to inject you with the antidote, but it made everything worse...You were lying in my arms you gave your last breath in my arms. You were supposed to be angry with me.But you knew. you understand what I was trying to do and you appreciated it. You said to me -" Levi stopped when he saw Eren crying, tears rolling down his beautiful eyes. Then Eren continued his sentence saying that words that were haunting him:

 

  
"Take me to the ocean, I want to see it with you."

  
Levi gulped. Eren remembered what he said to him a millennia ago..He was going to say something about it but Eren nodded at him to continue telling the story.

 

* * *

 

"Then I learned that bastard of a father of yours took your blood to create the virus that caused the outbreak. He said that he did it to save you from a deadly disease. But what he did to prevent your death also shortened your lifespan..It killed you immediately. He said that the witch told him to take lives of the townspeople. Their lives exchange of yours. But it didn't work. The outbreak was cured by Hanji, the traveling healer who also became a noisy friend afterward- , therefore the curse was broken. The antidote was supposed to make you immortal, but I was the one who took it from a descendant of a witch so it made me immortal instead of you. I was alive and I heard that Hanji had enough antidote to save another person from another town who is affected with the virus, that person was Erwin. Your father said that if I wasn't alive, you would be the one who is immortal and forever unharmed by diseases. I felt so guilty..that I was the reason the only person I cared for is dead. I left the town after talking to your father. Hanji,Erwin and I traveled around the world for a century. I have never seen you in that period. Until I found a book about spirits in Japan,I wasn't aware that souls can return to our world again by reincarnation. Especially,burdened souls. You were one of them,you know.. A burdened soul..Until the 13th lifetime we spend together, I waited for you to remember me... But it didn't happen. You were promised to be immortal by that witch, but you couldn't receive the immortality potion from a witch descendant. That's why you died and that's the main reason why you keep reincarnating. But the side effect of the procedure removed the memory of your past lifetimes. But this time...You remembered my name.." Levi took a deep breath,hoping that maybe this time he could hope.Then continued:

 

  
"At that time, I didn't know about it at all so I started to search for you. Our second lifetime was in the Japan. I was lucky. You were the stepson of a merchant, but you didn't remember me. We started again, like strangers. But you were the same ,I was the same. We clicked together immediately. We were lovers again. Then one day you left with your stepfather for a delivery to another city. Your cart was attacked by bandits. I only learned it after a month of your burial. I was so close to you but I lost you again..This happened again and again.. I loved and I loved and I lost you. And it hurts like hell,Eren." Now Levi was crying too. He tried to control the tears but he couldn't. He felt like drowning and he started sobbing. His heart ached, telling the beautiful person about his own death, not once but again and again, with different scenarios. Eren didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve another bitter end. If Levi left him here right now, maybe Eren could have a peaceful life.

 

  
"I'm so sorry..I'm so sorry. It's all because of me... I shouldn't have come here... I shouldn't have seen you today. I have no right,no right-"  
Eren came forward and embraced Levi .  
"Shh,I'm here Levi. I'm here. And with every word you tell me.. I started to remember. Even if it's painful. It's our memories, our cherished moments together. Don't you ever thought about leaving me... I may not remember all of my past lifetimes, but I do know all of me loved you truly. And I love you. Right now..and I will love you tomorrow and the other day after tomorrow and the other-" Levi interrupted him: "Yeah..do that, please. Because I'm tired of being lonely. Tired of not seeing you when I woke up alone. Love me, Eren. As selfish as it sounds, I need you to love me and never let me go. Because of this time...I believe that it might work out."

 

* * *

  
"I know it will Levi. We will make it work out." Eren said smiling and finally closing the gap between their lips. It felt like finding an oasis in the desert, Levi finally relaxed in Eren's hold and embraced him as well. When they make it to Levi's mansion, it was already hard for them to keep their hands off of each other. Every tender touch created a spark and quickly it was setting their bodies on fire. Caressing each other's hair, leaving kisses on every spot of their faces, following a line down the neck, kissing every inch of skin. Trying to catch up with the time they lost while living without each other. Soon the clothes were discharged on the floor and the sounds of the tender loving, skin on skin filled the room.

 

They were drunk on the essence of their lovemaking, moans echoed from the walls were music to their ears. Hands intertwined together and two hearts beating at the same rhythm they screamed the names of each other when they reached their climax.  
Eren crawled into Levi's embrace and Levi feels that finally, the hole inside his heart was closing. Wrapped in blankets and Eren's warmness, he felt the sleep embracing him and luring him to the darkness with a promise of the peace.

* * *

  
He barely heard Eren saying :  
"Take me to ocean Levi. I want to see it with you and I love you, forever." He smiled and squeezed Eren to his chest further. He could live with that.


End file.
